Motivation Archives - Feel Better
How to survive a breakup – Don’t break after a heartbreak
Category: MENTAL HEALTH,Motivation,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 3 weeks ago Comments: 0
how to survive a breakup

There’s nothing like a broken heart that makes a person do things out of character. Breakups are painful, they bring deep grief, and make a distorted image of the relationship in our brain. However, not everything is so black. You just need to know how to survive a breakup and not break after a broken heart.

This article explains what breakups do to our brain and how to overcome it and come out even stronger. You will see some practical ideas and advice for going through a heartbreak.

How to survive a breakup – Defining the breakup

“Heartbroken” is a widely used term. For example, people say that “their heart got broken after the match”, but the pain they felt doesn’t even come close to romantic heartbreak. There’s nothing like a broken heart making someone do crazy stuff they normally wouldn’t do. You’ve probably heard tons of stories about people doing desperate things after they’ve gone through a breakup. For example, becoming stalkers or texting the ex like insane. Those are all grief responses and it’s actually to be expected considering what happens in the brain in such situations.

According to studies that used MRI scans of people who recently went through a breakup, when we relive our breakup, we have the same brain activity as addicts when they need a “fix” during a withdrawal. Thus, the desperate actions in hope that we will get a grain of that “love” we had before.

What does a breakup do to our brain?

how to survive a breakup

When we go through a breakup, our brain is no longer in charge and the heart takes over. This makes us lose control over our decisions. The thing is, our brain can’t tell the difference between physical and emotional pain. For our brain, pain is a pain. Therefore, by making you relive your relationship over and over, your brain hopes that you will learn from your mistakes so that you don’t go through that pain again. It’s like the instincts you get after burning yourself on hot things. Your brain will show you mental images of the good times because they hurt the most. And it wants to make sure you don’t forget the pain and not make the same mistakes. But, in order to regain control of your life, you need to learn how to override those natural brain responses.

How to fix a broken heart?

In order to fix a broken heart, you need to correct the distorted image of the relationship your brain keeps serving you. You can do that by making a list of all the bad things you went through while being in that relationship. This will counterbalance the “sweet pain” circle your brain trapped you in.

You need to set your goals clearly – Getting your ex out of your system and getting rid of the pain that comes with memories. Unfortunately, our brain works the opposite way and it will fight you by making you think about the sweet moments. You have to resist those thoughts and avoid “stalking” your ex on social media and looking at old pictures.

Other problems you might stumble upon are all the reminders of the past relationship that are everywhere. Your home, your mutual friends, the restaurants, certain spots in the city, those are all the reminders that you don’t need right now.

That’s why you have to be persistent in avoiding everything that reminds you of your ex. It is not easy but with commitment and being careful where you go and who you see, it is possible. In addition, it’s extremely important to talk to your friends, though keep in mind that you shouldn’t burden just one person with your emotional pain but “spread” it over one or two more friends.

  • Most importantly, if you want to survive a breakup, you have to ask yourself the following questions:
  • Who were you before you met that person?
  • Who do you want to be now?
  • What aspects of yourself did you have to change for that relationship?
  • Which parts of yourself do you want to recover?

Once you have these answers, it will be clearer what you want from your life and moving on will come naturally.

Final thoughts

Once you start feeling a little better, don’t let your guard down because your heart and mind can be sneaky sometimes. Keep reminding yourself of the negative aspects of your former relationship. Work hard on filling in the gaps the relationship left in your life with positive things such as going out with friends or new hobbies.

Furthermore, replace your ex with friends when you want to watch “that TV show” you watched together. Or, when you were working out outside together. Just don’t give up on activities that you did together because you want them to be “your” activities now, not “the stuff we did together”.

Finally, think about what you’ve learned from this breakup. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about relationships in general? You will be surprised how much we can learn from our mistakes. we just need to allow ourselves to listen to reason. Once you manage that, you will come out much stronger than before. And you definitely won’t make the same mistakes again.

 


How to End a Dead-end Relationship in 4 Steps
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 weeks ago Comments: 0

If you find your relationship filled with passive-aggressiveness, apathy, negative energy, criticism, you are more than more likely stuck in a dead-end relationship. And, just as the name suggests, it leads to nowhere but pain and suffering. So, how to end a dead-end relationship and move on with your life and fill it with positive energy? It’s actually easier than you think, you just need to follow these 4 steps.

How to end a dead-end relationship – Get ready for the pain!

Whether we are talking about a great relationship that turned bad or a dead-end relationship without a future, a breakup is always painful. But it’s not the end of the world and you will survive it and get on with your life after a while. However, there are certain steps if you want to come out as a winner and not get stuck with that bad feeling and second thoughts for years to come. Don’t worry, it is completely normal to second guess your breakup and the following questions will come to your mind. But remember what you read after those thoughts and it will get better faster than you thought.

  • “Am I making a mistake because I love her/him?!” You may love your ex-partner but does she/he love you the way you deserve? Was that “love” a healthy love? Did your partner really see you for who you really are? Were you really understood?
  • “I miss him/her so much…” Sure, you miss your partner but how did you feel when you were together? We don’t mean the good times but the times you felt bad. Was your partner good to you all the time?
  • “What will I do if she/he finds someone else and I am completely out of the picture?” Okay, your ex-partner might find someone else who will put up with the behavior you experienced. So what? Do you really want to go through that again?

When you want to get out of a relationship that is bad for you, don’t second guess your determination. If you start re-evaluating your decision, you will most likely avoid the inevitable and keep suffering. But why avoid a step that has to happen sooner or later? Why not start feeling better sooner?

Block all contact

After you take the hard step of breaking up, you MUST block any possible contact. This includes social media, messengers, phone calls, or anything else that might make you second guess your decision and end up in the same dead-end relationship again. Here’s what you shouldn’t do and what you should do afterward:

  • Hit the Block button on all possible social media and messengers such as Viber, what’s up, and all other ways you used to communicate electronically before
  • Don’t avoid saying hello or good day or morning if you have to cross paths on your way to work or even if you work together but don’t engage in any means of communication other than necessary
  • Don’t get hooked to “crisis” luring, your ex is just trying to manipulate you and plays on your good person side
  • Do give yourself credit for finding a solution on how to end a dead-end relationship because it isn’t easy, yet you managed it!

Stay Strong

Most people that want to end a bad relationship end up staying in it because the other side is manipulative and “shows” remorse and change their bad behavior when they “smell” the end is near. Each time you get manipulated bad into a dead-end relationship you will feel demoralized and even go on a self-destructive path.

You need to stay strong! You know that this relationship is bad for you and that the other side won’t change. Therefore, use a trick that will help you stay focused on the goal. Create and use the “breakup” mantra that will be your guidelight in the “hours of darkness”. For some people, repeating “He (or she) might be good for someone else, but I don’t want that! I don’t need this in my life!”

Remember who you really are

Instead of feeling bad and getting stuck on second-guessing your breakup choice, you need to remember who you are. Feel good about yourself and the fact that you had the courage and strength to end up a toxic relationship and put a toxic person behind you. By just realizing that there was nothing wrong with you and that you should be valued more, you have made a huge step towards getting over this bad period of your life. Now, it’s time to turn your head in the direction of the future and focus on yourself! You’ve definitely earned it!


Why failure might be good for you? How to take advantage of your own mistakes
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

Most people tend to give up after they’ve had a failure. However, it’s important to know that failures are a normal part of everyone’s past. There isn’t a single person on this planet that made everything perfect from the first try. Everyone makes mistakes but it’s important to know why failure might be good for you. Here are 8 tips that help with using your failures to your advantage and coming out even stronger.

Let others know that you’ve made a mistake

If you’ve just made a mistake, keeping it to yourself and hoping that it will just go away and that no one will notice is not something you want to do. It’s inevitable that someone will find out about your failure and things will only get worse then. The equation is simple – when someone else points out to your mistake, it becomes two mistakes… Then, others will wonder why you didn’t tell them yourself and that leads to being seen as a coward or being ignorant. Gather the courage to speak up and let others that it was your mistake and that you want to fix it. You will be appreciated more afterward.

Don’t make excuses, explain what happened

By becoming the owner of your own mistakes makes you more confident, accountable, and shows integrity. However, you have to stick to the facts! Instead of making an excuse such as “We lost the contract because I got stuck in traffic and I didn’t have time to work on the contract.” say “We lost the contract because I missed the deadline”. Take responsibility for your mistakes.

Fix it yourself don’t wait for others to clean your mess

Taking responsibility for your own mistakes is one thing. Sure, it is admirable and it will make people see you in a better light. However, you can’t leave it at that! Your next step after your failure is the true test of your capabilities. Instead of backing down and expecting others to fix the mess you created, have a plan that will offer a solution. It will be even better if before you come out clean about your failure, that you’ve already taken steps that will solve the problem caused by your mistake.

Learn from your failure and then you will realize why failure might be good for you

Once you’ve managed to fix the problem caused by your mistake, you need to learn from it. Make a plan that will prevent you from making the same mistake again and stick with it. This is the best way to prove that you’ve learned from your mistakes and that you are reliable.

Don’t let the mistake take control over you

The most important thing about failures is that you don’t let them lose your confidence. This is the mindset you want to avoid at all costs. By allowing your mistake to take control over you, you will become handicaped each time you make a mistake, whether it’s a small or a huge one. Take some time to let the lesson of your mistake sink in. And, remember to get back on the horse as soon as the lesson is absorbed because the more you wait, the bigger are the chances you lose your confidence.

Get Perspective

People skilled at getting back in the saddle right after a mistake are more likely to blame the failure on something that they did (a specific oversight or wrong course of action) rather than something that they ARE. On the other hand, those who don’t handle their own mistakes well tend to blame mistakes on their lack of intelligence, or their laziness,  or other personal qualities. This implies that they had no control over the situation, and they are more likely to avoid risk-taking in the future.

Stay optimistic

One British study of 576 serial entrepreneurs found that they were much more likely to expect success than entrepreneurs who gave up after their first failure. The very sense of optimism is what prevents us from thinking that we are a complete failure of a person. Stay optimistic, try to see each mistake as a building block to your ultimate success.

Be Persistent

Persistance is actually optimism in action. Optimism is a positive feeling, while persistence is what you do with that feeling. While those people who are not optimistic decide that they’ve had enough after a mistake and quit, persistent people, stay optimistic and shake off those toxic feelings and get back in the saddle and try again. People who are persistent never lose their optimism and that makes them special and great at rising from mistakes.

 


The healing practice of self-hypnosis
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

For most people hypnosis is a “dark and scary practice”. When you are hypnotized, you are completely unaware of what happens to you and that is scary, right? No one is happy with the fact that someone else has complete control of you and can make you do things you wouldn’t do. But is hypnosis really that scary? Is it really like we see it in the movies? But what if you were able to hypnotize yourself, by yourself? What if you were able to help yourself with your problems with self-hypnosis? Yes, this exists and the healing practice of self-hypnosis can do wonders for both physical and mental issues.

How to learn to use the healing practice of self-hypnosis

Like any new skill, becoming good at self-hypnosis takes time and practice. You have to be committed to your goal, and train at least 2 or 3 times each day. Soon enough, it will become a part of you. It’s all about training your mind, and the good thing is, you don’t have to have perfect conditions, there’s no medical procedure involved, and you DON’T need drugs. Here are 6 steps you need to follow:

Step #1 – Find a quiet place

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Since we live in the modern era where finding a quiet place might be difficult, this step could turn up to be harder than it sounds. However, once you’ve found your quiet, safe place without your phone, kids, pets, or anything that might distract you, you can begin. Just remember that you have to support your back by sitting in a stable chair or couch and that there’s nothing around you that you might hurt yourself with if you happen to lose balance. There’s also something reassuring in knowing that you are completely safe and that helps you relax, which is the key to self-hypnosis.

Step #2 – Take the correct position

Self-hypnosis starts with the right sitting position. Your legs should be uncrossed with your hands placed in your lap. Once you feel comfortable in this position, you should start taking deep breaths. Once you’ve managed to focus on breathing correctly, close your eyes.

Step #3 – Clear your mind from thoughts

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Take a few minutes to just focus on your breathing. Visualize your breaths as they come in and out. Clear your mind from any other thought besides breathing. Each time a thought sneaks up on you, push it out by focusing on your breaths.

Step #4 – Sink in

When you manage to become fully relaxed and there’s nothing on your mind except breathing thoughts, allow yourself to become “heavy”. You will feel how your body starts feeling heavier and heavier and it “sinks in” the chair or couch. Relax and let that feeling take over.

Step #5 – Positive Mantra

Once your body sunk in wherever you are sitting and you feel completely relaxed, add a positive mantra to your self-hypnosis process. This mantra should be something like “I am relaxed, I am calm, I am in control”. Repeat this mantra until it starts echoing in your mind and you feel relaxed and positive (it should be done for 5 minutes and use a timer in the beginning)

Step #6 – 10, 9, 8, 7…

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Once the 5-minute mantra is done (you will learn to feel when 5 minutes are up in time) you will start feeling how your body is exiting the sinking in feeling. In that moment, focus on each part of your body and visualize how you are sending positive energy to your limbs. When you feel every part of your body “energized” take 3 more deep breaths and start counting back from 10. When you reach 1, slowly open your eyes and allow that positive sensation to sink in while you sit there a few more minutes. That’s it!

The healing practice of self-hypnosis -This is not meditation

Although the process sounds very much like meditation, self-hypnosis isn’t the same. In self-hypnosis practice, your mind is engaged more actively, but in a more centered and calm way. In case you can’t find 5 minutes each day for this practice, or you can’t focus for that long, start with fewer minutes and eventually work up as you progress. You will see that after a while, that positive energy you feel while practicing self-hypnosis extends to everyday situations. You will feel more relaxed and positive on a daily basis and you will also buffer out the negative effects of stress, worry, and anxiety.


How to boost your charisma as an introvert?
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 2 months ago Comments: 0
how to boost your charisma as an introvert

Most people think that being charismatic is something you were born with. Well, for some people that is true. However, charisma is actually something you can learn even if you were born without it. So, if you wanted to know how to boost your charisma as an introvert, make sure you read our guide to the end.

How to boost your charisma as an introvert? You learn about yourself that’s how

Have you ever met someone who you instantly liked and didn’t know why? Well, most likely, that person had charisma. The good news is, you can learn to be charismatic too. You just need to change your behavior a bit and presto! You are charismatic! Being charismatic is about saying and doing not about who you really are as a person. It doesn’t mean that you should pretend to be someone else. No, it just means that you have to brush up on your subconscious, work on your physical expressions and social cues, and how you treat people around you. It’s not an easy task, that we admit, but once you start working on your charisma, you will meet your true self and work on becoming a better person in general. The charisma part comes by itself.

Be present

Being confident is really important if you want to be charismatic. However, a more important thing is to be present. By present, we mean being honestly engaged when it comes to other people. It’s important to show to other people that they have your whole attention when you are listening to them. When you aren’t that confident, people might think that you are just shy, but if they don’t have your attention, you only come off as a person who is there just to show off, and not someone they can trust. So, when talking to people, make sure you really hear what they say and engage in conversation.

How to boost your charisma as an introvert? Be confident

Being confident is one of the most important milestones on your path to becoming charismatic. However, we know that as an introvert, it’s not easy to pull off the whole “I am confident” appearance. Also, you don’t want to seem too confident because that makes you look like an arrogant person. On the other hand, not being confident makes you look scared or timid. So, the key is finding a balance and feeling good in your own skin. Working on your body, dressing the way you love, and having conversations about what you understand and love talking are some of the things that build confidence.

Learn how to talk to people

how to boost your charisma as an introvert

This is probably the most important step in learning how to boost your charisma as an introvert. Charismatic people know how to start a conversation and you won’t “hear” the awkward silence when around them. If that presents a problem for you, you need to practice. Yes, it will be really hard at the start, but once you get more relaxed and your confidence builds up, you will see how rewarding it actually is. It’s all about creativity and being introvert doesn’t mean you are not creative, right? Also, starting a conversation is all about being nice, not trying to sound smart or brilliant. And, being nice to other people is a huge boost for your charisma points with others.


How to Stay Confident in Embarrassing Situations?
Category: Motivation,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 2 months ago Comments: 0
How to stay confident in embarrassing Situations

Sure, embarrassing situations are, well, embarrassing. But it’s not the end of the world and you won’t be branded as the “one that did that embarrassing thing!” for the rest of your life, don’t worry. However, we know that in that embarrassing moment, it does feel like it will last forever and it’s really hard to shake off that feeling. For that reason, we’ve decided to create this guide on how to stay confident in embarrassing situations and help you stay cool in your next OOPSSS moment.

The “Place Swap”

You will agree with us that during an embarrassing situation, the first thoughts that come to your mind are in the lines of “What have I done?! Now everyone is watching me! Oh, I wish I didn’t exist now!!” Can you see what’s happening here? All the focus is on YOU. Sure, it’s completely normal to be focused on yourself in such moments, but that is seeing the picture from your angle.

The truth is, all the people who saw your OOPSS moment, will think of it much less than yourself. They will most likely forget it after a minute. Just remember the last time you saw someone else embarrass himself. Having a hard time remembering, aren’t you? Well, that’s the whole point of “swapping places” when something embarrassing happens because you quickly realize that it’s not that big of a deal after all.

Turn the Embarrassing Moment into a Joke

How to Stay Confident in Embarrassing Situations

When you’re having an embarrassing situation, your friends will most likely tell you to laugh it off. Sure, it is easier said than done, but that actually isn’t a piece of bad advice at all! The best way to stay confident in embarrassing situations and deal with that moment is to face it right away instead of ignoring it. We all know how these moments build up tension and how hard it is to get out of that. However, breaking a joke in that particular tensed moment is the best way to get rid of the bad feeling and immediately process it and turn it into a fun, healthy memory.

Focus on Different Parts of Your Embarrassing Memory

Some of our embarrassing moments can stay in our minds for a long time. And each time you remember it, it hurts the same as it did that day, doesn’t it? Well, there’s a way to get through those embarrassing memories much easier and with less pain. All you have to do is try and remember all the other things that happened around that moment. For example, if you spilled a drink on yourself on a party that happened years ago, and the bad feeling still haunts you, focus on other things that happened at that party. Try and remember the music, the fun you had, the funny stuff you did with your friends. You will see how quickly you forget about that “incident” and start feeling happy because you remembered how much fun you actually had at that party.

Cool Off

When something embarrassing happens, most of us start feeling hot, we blush, and even the breathing becomes hard. Well, that is completely normal because our emotions affect our body temperature. Therefore, cooling off is just what you need at that moment. Taking a few deep breaths will help, but you will overcome the “heat of the moment” much easier if you physically cool yourself off with, for example, ice-cold glass of water.

Embrace It

When something embarrassing happens to us, it makes us cringe, our jaws hurt, and we all wish that it never happened. However, it did happen, and it happens to everyone around the globe, each day. So, the best thing is to face it and get over it right away because if you chug it under the rug, it will come back at you and hurt again. So, the next time something embarrassing happens to you, just pull yourself together and embrace it. It will go away much easier, trust us. You don’t want that bad feeling festering in you… None of us does!


How to Encourage Your Child to Talk About its Emotions
Category: Blog,MENTAL HEALTH,Motivation,Recommended Author: Feel Better Date: 3 months ago Comments: 0
How to Encourage Your Child to Talk About its Emotions

When a child learns how to positively express its feelings, it develops effective emotion management skills. Here are a few useful tips that will show you how to encourage your child to talk about its emotions.

How to Encourage Your Child to Talk About its Emotions – Kids also have feelings like adults

How to Encourage Your Child to Talk About its Emotions

Whether you realize it or not, your child also has the same emotions as you do. They also get jealous, nervous, excited, frustrated, embarrassed, angry, worried, frightened, and sad. But they don’t possess the tools to cope with these emotions as their vocabulary isn’t as developed as ours. Therefore, they express their emotions in their own ways.

By their own ways, we mean body language, play, and overall behavior. That’s why kids sometimes act out in problematic, inappropriate, or physical ways.

As soon as they are born, kids learn how to identify, manage, and express their emotions. This learning process starts with the people who are closest to them (parents, siblings, grandparents). Meaning that you as a parent, play an extremely important role in your child’s emotional development. By emotional development, we mean learning how to cope with their emotions in a constructive and positive way.

Learning how to cope with emotions in childhood leads to positive behaviors and attitudes as a grownup

A child that knows how to cope with and express its feelings in a positive way is more likely to:

  • Become supportive and empathic with others
  • Advance in school and career later
  • Have stable and positive relationships
  • Be mentally healthy
  • Have fewer problems with bad behavior
  • Gain coping and resilience skills
  • Be more confident, capable, and competent
  • Gain a positive sense of itself

Your role in your child’s emotional skills development

How to Encourage Your Child to Talk About its Emotions

Here are a few useful tips on helping your child learn how to express its emotions:

Pay attention to cues

When they are young, it’s hard to identify what your child is feeling. That’s why you need to pay attention to listen to what your child is saying, how it’s behaving, and the body language its displaying. This will help you in figuring out what your child is feeling so that you can help it manage and express those emotions in a healthy way.

There’s a feeling behind every behavior

Keep in mind that behind every behavior your child displays, there’s a certain feeling. Once you know which emotion is behind the behavior, you can help with teaching your child to express it in a proper way.

Naming the feelings

It is important to teach your child how to name each emotion. By knowing how to name an emotion, your child expands its emotional vocabulary and finds talking about it much easier. This helps them in identifying their emotions and channeling them in a healthy way.

Recognizing emotions in others

Teach your child how to identify emotions in other people. You can talk with your child about what it thinks a certain person (whether a real person or a cartoon character) is feeling right now. This is a great way to make your child relaxed and open to discussing feelings and learning to recognize other people’s feelings, based on facial expressions.

Turning yourself into a role model

Children learn emotions and how to cope with them by observing their parents and people close to them. Therefore, you are the one that has to set an example and show your child what it’s feeling in certain situations and how to channel those emotions.

Praising your child to encourage positive behavior

When your child talks about its feelings or expresses them in a healthy manner, you should praise it. This way, you will let your child know that it’s normal to have feelings and talk about them, as well as encourage it to repeat that positive expression.

How to encourage your child to talk about its emotions and express its feelings in a positive way

When kids are frustrated or angry, they usually throw toys. Also, they find it hard to settle down after they’ve had an exciting day. This is a great opportunity for you to teach your child how to express its emotions in a healthy and positive manner. Here are some useful tips for coping with their emotions:

  • Teach your child to take deep breaths when angry or frustrated
  • Let it know that it’s okay to ask for support or help
  • It’s okay to take a break if something isn’t going their way
  • Sometimes doing certain things means finding more ways to solve the problem, not just one
  • Problems can be solved with words
  • Don’t act out, say what you feel
  • Grownups understand what’s happening
  • Asking for a cuddle or a hug when feeling bad is always okay

You play an important role in your child’s emotional development

The first step in teaching your child in managing its emotions is helping in identifying the feelings. A child that is capable of identifying, understanding, and coping with a wide range of emotions, is more likely to have a healthy mental state and better overall wellbeing as a grownup. If you need some help in knowing how to encourage your child to talk about its emotions, feel free to ask us, we will gladly help.