Self improvement Archives - Feel Better
Can lying sometimes be beneficial?
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

How many times do we lie in a day? Some researches show we tell from ten to two hundred lies per day. 

Are you honest by all means?

Do you support so-called white lies?

Do you think that there is a difference between omitting and lie?

We all agree that too much of everything can be harmful. How to find that fine line between honesty and private thoughts? Is it beneficial to use white lies as a peacekeeper?

Well, none the wiser. Experience, as many times before, is the best teacher.

Sometimes truth has to wait

Whether you were lier or lied to, things might be different with a new partner no matter what role you played in the past. But we all learn. Too much honesty, in the beginning, can be a hard pill to swallow. Sharing hard things from your past can be challenging to understand for your potential long-term partner, especially if you dealt with trauma or traumatizing experience. It’s fantastic when you find someone who you think is your soul mate. You want to know everything about them and vice versa. But sharing can be hurtful for both of you. If you fell hard for someone, it doesn’t mean that they must know everything about you. No matter how in love you are, use time as your ally; get to know that person first. 

Freedom in a relationship

Freedom can be a strange word in a relationship. But being genuine is what gives us freedom. Be your true self. 

First, emotional stability gives us a genuine and provides us with the freedom to do and behave true to ourselves. The most significant release comes from emotional stability. Therefore we will respond to challenges and various situations accordingly. Freedom also gave us a norm of honesty toward ourselves and to our partners. Indeed, it is a rare gift. 

Red flags

If you were lied to or even cheated, you would seek signs of similar actions in previous relationships. Unconsciously, those flags will rise in your brain. 

 Try to be fair. Sometimes bad experiences are just that. Try to get to know your partner, and if you are already together for a while, try to communicate better. Maybe there is a misunderstanding between you two. 

Being lied to is not your responsibility, but being lied to and knowing about it is your responsibility. Don’t play head in the sand game, no matter how you are attracted to your partner. That makes you a liar too. You are teaming with your partner against you, against your feeling. Don’t do that. It’s no good. 

White lies – do they exist?

Know your partner well. We all use white lies: that color is great on you, hone. We all have private thoughts that we choose not to share with our partners. There is a fine line between personal and intimate. Having a partner who wants to know what is going on in our heads all the time leaves us with a feeling of intrusion. Then can lead to frequent use of white lies and may lead to a lack of intimacy in the future. If you are with a partner who overshares or who is crossing boundaries, talk to them. Communicate and try to explain that some things are intended to stay private. Otherwise, you can become unhappy, and that can lead to an ended relationship. White lies can be helpful, but not in dozen. 

Liar, liar pants on fire

I’m lying for their good: what you don’t know can’t hurt you. It was just a kiss. By intentionally omitting hurtful truth with an excuse that it will hurt others is just plain manipulation. It’s not your place to decide what someone will do. You are protecting yourself, not them. Manipulating people in your truth can be more hurtful in the future. If you want to have a good relationship that can lead to the future, be truthful. Was it just a kiss? And you are sure it was just a kiss. Maybe you can omit it one time, but if you have more than just kiss intentions, be honest. Playing with other people’s emotions is a way to nowhere worthwhile. 

Ends and new beginnings 

Love is a powerful force. Love can move the mountains. Believe in love. With every end, there is a new beginning around the corner. Experience can be a teacher. Treasure it. Be a good student and use those lessons in future relationships. No relationship is the same; don’t project last on a new one because you are not the same person anymore. 


Art of resilience
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

Cat Has Nine Lives

There is a proverb that cat has nine lives. It comes from the cat’s ability to always land on its feet.  Looking at the cats, we have to admire them. It is even more admirable looking in the mirror and seeing the resilience in yourself. Do not make a mistake and think that resilience is a gift. This might be true for some people, but often it is a cultivated trait.  Challenges from the 2020 pandemic awaken resilience in all of us. To overcome quarantine, economic crises, the virus itself, and changes in everyday life without losing zest for life is resilience. 

Cultivating process or “how to”

There are some people who needed resilience in their life in order to simply survive. Resilience becomes part of their personality. For others, facing and overcoming adversities and trauma means learning to cultivate resilience. How to become resilient if we haven’t had it before? Some psychotherapists believe that resilience is connected with deep emotions, due to adversities and trauma.

Getting emotional support is a beginning point

If you don’t have emotional support from family or friends be sure to seek it among professionals. Getting emotional help is crucial in developing resilience. With emotional support, you will overcome trauma or negative emotions, and you can become the winner. By overcoming it, you will get to know that you always had it. You own it. – you have resilience. You will have the strength to go through challenges in life with confidence.

Emotional support is a start. Once, you are on the way to overcome emotional trauma, other things come naturally. You will learn how to deal with negative thoughts, how to trust your instincts, how to start believing in your abilities.

Making a plan for how to deal with whatever life throws at you


This is also something you learn. As well as being reasonable about where you are now, where you want to be, and how to get there. Life is not always simple, things change, and you have to follow. So, learn to adapt, make the best out of the situation. Whatever happens, just make a new plan, or rewrite the old one, and go ahead.

Adapt!

This is one of the main things when we talk about resilience. Be able to adapt to different situations we can do nothing about. Learn to make the best of the situation you’re in.
During pandemic 2020, we were in quarantine. Did you make the best of it? Or you just watched television all day long? It could make a difference in how you feel today. You can take a break and do nothing for a day or two as long as you don’t let yourself become a couch potato.

Resilience and faith

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because it trusts its own wings”

If you think about cat and its nine lives, and about bird and its wings, you’ll see the pattern.

Having resilience is not limited to people who vent through rough life experiences. Having resilience means being able to trust your own instincts, abilities, body, and mind. It means to be able to adapt. To react accordingly to situations you are in, and not to lament over the glorious past. Having resilience means to believe in a better future; to believe that you can build yourself, and to deal with whatever life throws at you. 

Resilience as the teacher

Overcoming difficult circumstances, and knowing that you have it in you can be helpful in life in so many roles. Resilience teaches us how important is to believe in yourself. Also, the importance of being open and ready to change perspective; and how to solve problems rather now than later. Implementing these skills in your role as a parent, partner or coworker is fantastic.

No matter how hard life can be sometimes, we are all resilient, and we just need to cultivate it. If you had a garden you know that seeds need time to grow, need good soil, and patience. Even if you’ve been through traumatic experiences, be patient with yourself. One thing leads to another, one positive thought leads to another. Sometimes we are only one talk with a good friend away from the solution in otherwise unbearable situations.


Please, don’t be a pleaser
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 6 months ago Comments: 0

Please, don’t be a people-pleaser 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Doing an online quiz can show you which type of personality you are. But before that, we are divided into two major groups: natural givers and natural takers. Going to the extreme in either of them is a poor choice. Our behavior, good or bad, impacts others. Postponed consequences are a significant reason to recognize the moment when and why to stop “helping”. If you are a natural giver, it’s even more important for you. 

 

It all comes naturally to me 

Being a natural giver is a special gift. You are sensitive to other people’s needs, you see fine details that others often miss, and you know when to show to give your support as a friend. Sometimes you will feel great. More often, you will feel exhausted because every true gift comes with great responsibility. Being aware of others’ needs doesn’t automatically make you a person that will fulfill them. As a natural giver, first and foremost, you need to take care of yourself. You need to know your boundaries well and know on the conscious level why you are doing what you’re doing. Paying close attention to your feelings, energy level when you give – will create a healthier way to live and give. 

 Respect your need to give, but be aware of natural takers. Their intentions aren’t always bad; taking comes naturally to them. Here is something that you have to take into count: If you don’t take care of yourself, they certainly won’t. 

I’ll do it for you honey

It doesn’t matter if “honey” is a partner, friend, colleague, or even a child. If “honey” is capable of doing it, “honey” should do it. 

Of course, we need to take care of children and those who don’t know better. But even a child needs to learn, and mistakes are part of learning. Maybe it was a model in your family, a model you adopted, but it doesn’t mean it is useful. Are you aware of the consequences of your good intentions?

In the long term, your close ones can find themselves hurt by your good intentions, and feeling inadequate, powerless, and immature are some of it. These feelings could permeate other life areas, like school, social skills, career choices, etc. Healing from” I’ll do it for you” could be a long process. Please think twice before you say it next time. 

Missing opportunity for personal growth

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself. Why do you feel the need to please others? Why do you like to take care of everyone and everyone’s business? If you are a natural giver, it is excellent to fulfill your personal need to give, but you need to find a healthy mode. You need to learn your boundaries, when it is ok to offer your help or attention, and when you need to say NO. It is not easy. It could help if you make a wise career choice. Natural givers are naturally good in all careers that include giving; for example, the healthcare industry is one of them. 

If you are not a natural giver but are a people pleaser, please stop. By making others feel good or not so good in the long term, you are missing an opportunity to indeed please one significant person – you. As we said already: be honest, make an effort to explore this need to please others. Make this effort is heavy-duty, but the results are phenomenal. Your relationship with friends and family will be healthier. Your career might go up once you stop doing small things for others that they can do themselves. Your self-respect will improve because you are enough, just enough, without pleasing others. 

Being a “pleaser” maybe is not a healthy lifestyle. Once you start to change for the better, some people will support you; others won’t. Please don’t blame them; they used to use your pleasing. Still, keep the part of that pleasing for loved ones. It is nice to have a person who intuitively knows how to make others feel good. But use your gift wisely this time.  


Self-love: How to be your own best friend?
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 8 months ago Comments: 0

Me, myself and I

The old story goes: if you hold a glass of water for one minute – a piece of cake. As the clock ticks on, holding becomes harder and harder. The pandemic seems partly similar to this story. The first wave, the second wave, hope for new medicine and returning to life as it once was. Novelty, good or bad, wears off. Stress doesn’t. With so many things that are out of our hands, anxiety and depression could sneak their way into our lives. Taking care of our body and mind is the most important thing in times like this. Taking care of yourself means you can be on top of your game when others need your strength.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, how to be best for all?

 

Do you know who the most important person is at this moment? You are. With that in mind, make time to take care of your mind and your body. It is not easy, especially with new roles. 

Your child may need you as a teacher assistant, your parents or elderly neighbors may become dependent on you; working online could take more time than office hours. Giving extra effort may take its toll. Often, it is a luxury you can’t afford. Take a bath; grow a flower, do yoga, read a book, whatever makes your batteries charged! When you feel good, no matter what is going on around you, you will do your best.

Remember, your best. Sometimes it will be more than enough; sometimes it won’t, but knowing that you did your best will be enough to keep you going on. If you feel guilty for taking the time to stay in good shape physically and mentally, answer this simple question: Is it selfish to maintain your car to be safe properly?

Give yourself an A+.

Is self-love a tough love? It shouldn’t be. Like true love, it should be beautiful and gentle. Take a deep breath and give yourself time to adjust to new rules. New rules are not easy for anyone. Nobody was prepared for this, yet we are dealing with the pandemic in different ways. Why do you think you should give yourself a hard time? How could you be prepared for isolation, social distancing, etc.?
Set your own pace, be gentle to yourself as you would be with children, and be patient with yourself as you would be with your pet. If you need an extra hand or a friend, seek help. Give yourself an A+ for being gentle and patient, for self-love during the hard times. If you are a good student and you get an A+, it will reflect others. 

Always look on the bright side of life…

Do you want to know when this will end? We all do. But we don’t know; it’s out of our control. We can only control how we are dealing with it and what we can do about our life. Use pandemic, instead of being used by it. Make time to learn what you could do to improve the quality of your life. It is important. Focus on good things. Restore long-forgotten goals like old friendships.

Lose bad habits, make some new – good habits. An extra hour of sleep is much better than an hour in commute. Isolation is a chance to enjoy your own company. Be the best you can imagine. There are so many possibilities. Be grateful for this chance to review your life in slow motion. Make cuts, make repairs, learn new skills, and implement new rules. Be your best friend.

Yin and yang

Life doesn’t stop. We need to learn how to live with coronavirus. Learning balance is essential. Yin and yang are good teachers, don’t lose this ancient wisdom: there will always be something not so good in every good, but you can find a bit of good in something bad, too. 


To wear or not to wear a mask, that is not the question!
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 8 months ago Comments: 0

The real question is why people refuse to wear facemask during the Covid-19 pandemic. 

With the new virus, pandemic, and new rules: social distancing, wearing a mask, no crazy parties, no vacations, changes were inevitable. Traveling and so many things are postponed, only life can’t be. 

We learned that virus is not going to vanish in the thin air during the last ten months, there will be no sudden change in treatments, and the vaccine is not close enough. We need to learn how to live with new circumstances. Wearing a face mask is one of the necessary steps to protect yourself and others. Never the less, a lot of people refuse to wear a facemask no matter where they are.


Doctors say this; doctors say that

Covid-19 is a new illness; it is not just like the flu or other viruses we came in touch with. First instructions from doctors maybe were misleading – a mask is not enough to stop spreading a virus. Fast, but not fast enough, opinions about wearing a mask were revised. Detailed guidelines appeared on almost every website, TV, and the commercials… when and where it is essential to wear a mask. Often confused and overwhelmed with information, people choose the previous statement and therefore refuse to wear a mask.


Who to trust?

Pandemic brings pandemic of experts of all sorts. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, yet things got out of hands quickly. Expert predictions: the virus will vanish in the sun; this vitamin is the best; wearing a mask helps but not completely; mask will decrease the level of oxygen in your blood etc. Doctors and nurses, like warriors, are fighting misinformation. Making videos while checking the level of oxygen shows that wearing a mask, even for long hours, will not reduce the level of oxygen in the body. Wearing a mask may leave visible lines on your face, lines that will disappear quickly. Your breathing will be just fine. 

Mask is not protection – It is written on the packaging.

It is written on the package, mostly for non-reusable masks. Does this mean that wearing a simple surgical mask won’t help? Well, not really. If this is the main reason you are not wearing a mask, you need to look from different perspectives. As a new virus, the incubation period can be from 5 to 15 days. Wearing a mask is a way to protect others. Coronavirus without symptoms causes many. You may not be ill, but you may have Covid-19, and by wearing a mask, you will protect others, and vice versa. 

I am healthy and fit; my body is my temple

Early jog or swim, yoga, healthy diet can do wonders for your mental and physical health. However, being healthy and fit is not invisible armor against an invisible enemy. Regular exercise routine and healthy habits are not a guarantee that you will not become ill. Think twice, and keep your healthy shine. 

Better safe than sorry

Months passed since the virus started its unfortunate journey across our beautiful planet.

During the history of pandemics, some kinds of facemask were always part of our fight against it. Thousands of doctors, governments, and leaders issued statements that masks are one way to stop or slow the spreading of the virus were not enough to convince all of us to wear a mask.


Wearing a mask is a small and simple step for you, but large in this global fight against Covid-19: Even if you are outside and making a distance is not an option – please wear a mask. If you are inside, as in public transport, public buildings etc., it is in your best interest to wear a mask. 


Halloween, time of festivities, or time of rising anxiety?
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 8 months ago Comments: 0

What makes Halloween so spooky?

One nice lady in our neighborhood doesn’t like Halloween. During the sweet hunt, as children often refer, the door of her homestay closed. There are no carved pumpkins on her porch or a scary witch in her yard. And she is not alone.

For some of us, it is one of the best holidays, memories of running around streets, cuter than a scary costume, but for the others, this holiday is pure horror in its real meaning.
Scary things are closer to the surface when we are exposed to them; anxieties can be harder to control. In all honesty, it can be tiring.
Social Anxiety Disorder is especially tricky in situations you can’t control, and if you are afraid of spiders, it is a scary ride at its best.

Trick the anxiety and treat yourself

Having an anxiety disorder is hard enough, but having a social anxiety disorder can be incredibly hard during the holidays.
Socializing with friends and family is more comfortable because they are familiar with your fears and habits, but Halloween can be completely different.
But with the right plan, you can manage to make it through Halloween just as well as everybody else.

Halloween away from Halloween

If you have severe Social Anxiety Disorder, the best way is to avoid it is by being at home during the trick and treating time. Make the evening pleasurable and treat yourself with something that makes you happy and jolly, because it is a holiday after all.
Present with presents
Close your door without guilt. Make yourself comfortable in your own home. It is the least you can do for yourself. Put the carved pumpkin on the porch. Make gift bags and put them in the basket with a note that you are not at home. Everybody’s happy.

Best hours of Halloween when the treats are gone

The mood can be improved by participating only for an hour or two, depending on the level of SAD.
Choose what works best is for you and trick anxiety and treat yourself.

The safety net is the net without spiders

Spending two hours in the theater watching Spiderman is optional. If you are suffering an Arachnophobia – fear of spiders, you will walk an extra block to avoid the theater building. But having to look in the eye of your biggest fear is awful, to put it simply.
The only good thing in this situation is that you can prepare yourself in advance because Halloween spiders come every year at the same time.
You’ve been through this before. You know what to expect.
Having this knowledge is easier to make your safety net or a good plan on spending Halloween without being overwhelmed with anxiety or exhaustion of fighting it.

Family, friends, and others with good intentions

Inform your friends and family that exposure therapy is called therapy for a reason and that putting a spider on the table or in your car is not recommended. This kind of exposure may not go so well. Exposure therapy is a strictly controlled and guided process by professionals.
Not a doomsday, but…
You cannot live in the cave during the holiday, but try to collect some tips about holiday decorations of the places you cannot avoid, like malls or shops.
As is mentioned before, you know when it is coming, so you can be prepared.
Stuff your cupboards and fridge before Halloween approaches, choose small stores, or stores less decorated for last-minute buying, without spiders hanging over every shelf.

Be ready and have fun, because why not?

Make some fun posts in your yard – witches are the best. Make your yard extra lit so that you can see costumes. Have an extra person to deal with kids during the trick and treats hours.

Blessing in disguise

Life is happening all year round. Problems, jobs, plans, and everyday life sometimes make us forget about our fears, anxieties, or phobias. Creating a comfort zone, even unintentionally and moving inside, would not make anxiety disappear. Creating solutions and solving problems on your terms instead of running around them when they turn up in front of us seems better.


How to survive a breakup – Don’t break after a heartbreak
Category: MENTAL HEALTH,Motivation,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 2 years ago Comments: 0
how to survive a breakup

There’s nothing like a broken heart that makes a person do things out of character. Breakups are painful, they bring deep grief, and make a distorted image of the relationship in our brain. However, not everything is so black. You just need to know how to survive a breakup and not break after a broken heart.

This article explains what breakups do to our brain and how to overcome it and come out even stronger. You will see some practical ideas and advice for going through a heartbreak.

How to survive a breakup – Defining the breakup

“Heartbroken” is a widely used term. For example, people say that “their heart got broken after the match”, but the pain they felt doesn’t even come close to romantic heartbreak. There’s nothing like a broken heart making someone do crazy stuff they normally wouldn’t do. You’ve probably heard tons of stories about people doing desperate things after they’ve gone through a breakup. For example, becoming stalkers or texting the ex like insane. Those are all grief responses and it’s actually to be expected considering what happens in the brain in such situations.

According to studies that used MRI scans of people who recently went through a breakup, when we relive our breakup, we have the same brain activity as addicts when they need a “fix” during a withdrawal. Thus, the desperate actions in hope that we will get a grain of that “love” we had before.

What does a breakup do to our brain?

how to survive a breakup

When we go through a breakup, our brain is no longer in charge and the heart takes over. This makes us lose control over our decisions. The thing is, our brain can’t tell the difference between physical and emotional pain. For our brain, pain is a pain. Therefore, by making you relive your relationship over and over, your brain hopes that you will learn from your mistakes so that you don’t go through that pain again. It’s like the instincts you get after burning yourself on hot things. Your brain will show you mental images of the good times because they hurt the most. And it wants to make sure you don’t forget the pain and not make the same mistakes. But, in order to regain control of your life, you need to learn how to override those natural brain responses.

How to fix a broken heart?

In order to fix a broken heart, you need to correct the distorted image of the relationship your brain keeps serving you. You can do that by making a list of all the bad things you went through while being in that relationship. This will counterbalance the “sweet pain” circle your brain trapped you in.

You need to set your goals clearly – Getting your ex out of your system and getting rid of the pain that comes with memories. Unfortunately, our brain works the opposite way and it will fight you by making you think about the sweet moments. You have to resist those thoughts and avoid “stalking” your ex on social media and looking at old pictures.

Other problems you might stumble upon are all the reminders of the past relationship that are everywhere. Your home, your mutual friends, the restaurants, certain spots in the city, those are all the reminders that you don’t need right now.

That’s why you have to be persistent in avoiding everything that reminds you of your ex. It is not easy but with commitment and being careful where you go and who you see, it is possible. In addition, it’s extremely important to talk to your friends, though keep in mind that you shouldn’t burden just one person with your emotional pain but “spread” it over one or two more friends.

  • Most importantly, if you want to survive a breakup, you have to ask yourself the following questions:
  • Who were you before you met that person?
  • Who do you want to be now?
  • What aspects of yourself did you have to change for that relationship?
  • Which parts of yourself do you want to recover?

Once you have these answers, it will be clearer what you want from your life and moving on will come naturally.

Final thoughts

Once you start feeling a little better, don’t let your guard down because your heart and mind can be sneaky sometimes. Keep reminding yourself of the negative aspects of your former relationship. Work hard on filling in the gaps the relationship left in your life with positive things such as going out with friends or new hobbies.

Furthermore, replace your ex with friends when you want to watch “that TV show” you watched together. Or, when you were working out outside together. Just don’t give up on activities that you did together because you want them to be “your” activities now, not “the stuff we did together”.

Finally, think about what you’ve learned from this breakup. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about relationships in general? You will be surprised how much we can learn from our mistakes. we just need to allow ourselves to listen to reason. Once you manage that, you will come out much stronger than before. And you definitely won’t make the same mistakes again.

 


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