Self improvement Archives - Feel Better
How to survive a breakup – Don’t break after a heartbreak
Category: MENTAL HEALTH,Motivation,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 3 weeks ago Comments: 0
how to survive a breakup

There’s nothing like a broken heart that makes a person do things out of character. Breakups are painful, they bring deep grief, and make a distorted image of the relationship in our brain. However, not everything is so black. You just need to know how to survive a breakup and not break after a broken heart.

This article explains what breakups do to our brain and how to overcome it and come out even stronger. You will see some practical ideas and advice for going through a heartbreak.

How to survive a breakup – Defining the breakup

“Heartbroken” is a widely used term. For example, people say that “their heart got broken after the match”, but the pain they felt doesn’t even come close to romantic heartbreak. There’s nothing like a broken heart making someone do crazy stuff they normally wouldn’t do. You’ve probably heard tons of stories about people doing desperate things after they’ve gone through a breakup. For example, becoming stalkers or texting the ex like insane. Those are all grief responses and it’s actually to be expected considering what happens in the brain in such situations.

According to studies that used MRI scans of people who recently went through a breakup, when we relive our breakup, we have the same brain activity as addicts when they need a “fix” during a withdrawal. Thus, the desperate actions in hope that we will get a grain of that “love” we had before.

What does a breakup do to our brain?

how to survive a breakup

When we go through a breakup, our brain is no longer in charge and the heart takes over. This makes us lose control over our decisions. The thing is, our brain can’t tell the difference between physical and emotional pain. For our brain, pain is a pain. Therefore, by making you relive your relationship over and over, your brain hopes that you will learn from your mistakes so that you don’t go through that pain again. It’s like the instincts you get after burning yourself on hot things. Your brain will show you mental images of the good times because they hurt the most. And it wants to make sure you don’t forget the pain and not make the same mistakes. But, in order to regain control of your life, you need to learn how to override those natural brain responses.

How to fix a broken heart?

In order to fix a broken heart, you need to correct the distorted image of the relationship your brain keeps serving you. You can do that by making a list of all the bad things you went through while being in that relationship. This will counterbalance the “sweet pain” circle your brain trapped you in.

You need to set your goals clearly – Getting your ex out of your system and getting rid of the pain that comes with memories. Unfortunately, our brain works the opposite way and it will fight you by making you think about the sweet moments. You have to resist those thoughts and avoid “stalking” your ex on social media and looking at old pictures.

Other problems you might stumble upon are all the reminders of the past relationship that are everywhere. Your home, your mutual friends, the restaurants, certain spots in the city, those are all the reminders that you don’t need right now.

That’s why you have to be persistent in avoiding everything that reminds you of your ex. It is not easy but with commitment and being careful where you go and who you see, it is possible. In addition, it’s extremely important to talk to your friends, though keep in mind that you shouldn’t burden just one person with your emotional pain but “spread” it over one or two more friends.

  • Most importantly, if you want to survive a breakup, you have to ask yourself the following questions:
  • Who were you before you met that person?
  • Who do you want to be now?
  • What aspects of yourself did you have to change for that relationship?
  • Which parts of yourself do you want to recover?

Once you have these answers, it will be clearer what you want from your life and moving on will come naturally.

Final thoughts

Once you start feeling a little better, don’t let your guard down because your heart and mind can be sneaky sometimes. Keep reminding yourself of the negative aspects of your former relationship. Work hard on filling in the gaps the relationship left in your life with positive things such as going out with friends or new hobbies.

Furthermore, replace your ex with friends when you want to watch “that TV show” you watched together. Or, when you were working out outside together. Just don’t give up on activities that you did together because you want them to be “your” activities now, not “the stuff we did together”.

Finally, think about what you’ve learned from this breakup. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about relationships in general? You will be surprised how much we can learn from our mistakes. we just need to allow ourselves to listen to reason. Once you manage that, you will come out much stronger than before. And you definitely won’t make the same mistakes again.

 


Angry Love – Is This a problem for Your Relationship?
Category: Blog,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 weeks ago Comments: 0

So many times, your spouse has treated you badly and you cannot forget those situations. His harsh words and thoughtless actions always come back to you. The love you felt for him has disappeared over time and now your heart is full of bitterness. You no longer know the person you married because he is angry most of the time. People who are in the so-called “angry love” are in a problem without really realizing it…

But there is a cure for your problems. You should consider why it’s a good idea to delete that anger as soon as possible.

Prolonged anger can ruin a marriage. Why do we say that? Because it undermines trust, love, faithfulness, and other beautiful qualities that underlie any good marriage. Prolonged anger is not the result of a problem that has appeared in a marriage. It is a long-term problem that can endanger marriage. If you have been angry for a long time and you feel offended, you are causing pain to yourself. It is not wise to carry such feelings within you. It’s like kicking yourself and then expecting someone else to feel the pain.

“A family member that you are angry at may be feeling well, enjoying life, and has no idea what bothers you,” says American psychotherapist Mark Sichel in one of his books dealing with family relationships.

WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM THIS?

“Long-term anger or “angry love” does a lot more harm to you than to the person you are angry at,” Sichel says. You decide whether to allow your anger to overwhelm you. Some might disagree with this claim. They say, “My husband made me angry. He is guilty of me feeling that way! “Or” My wife was upset. I can’t help it!”

A person who thinks so is focused on something that cannot be influenced – another person’s behavior. Of course, we cannot influence what others will say or do, but we can influence how we respond to their behavior. Instead of being offended and angry, we can think about how to maturely deal with the problem.

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU ARE IN ANGRY LOVE SITUATION?

Don’t blame one another. It is easy to point the finger to another person and say that it is their fault that you are angry and disappointed. Keep in mind that it is up to you to allow yourself to be angry or to forgive the one who hurt you. Be honest with yourself. Of course, a conversation is the only cure. You don’t need to discuss too long and widely about every situation between the two of you.

Keep in mind what it means to forgive. The original Greek term, which in the Bible usually translates to “forgive,” literally means “to let go, to disregard.” Therefore, forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to forget the insults or that you should act as if a bad event never happened. Sometimes that means only to stop thinking about what happened and let life go on. Be aware that prolonged anger can do more harm to your health and marriage than the incident that caused it.

PROPOSAL

Next week take a look at your husband or wife and find three beautiful traits. At the end of the week, write them down on a piece of paper and tell your spouse why you appreciate these qualities. By focusing on what is positive about the person you are married to, it will be easier to get rid of anger and resentment.


How to End a Dead-end Relationship in 4 Steps
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 weeks ago Comments: 0

If you find your relationship filled with passive-aggressiveness, apathy, negative energy, criticism, you are more than more likely stuck in a dead-end relationship. And, just as the name suggests, it leads to nowhere but pain and suffering. So, how to end a dead-end relationship and move on with your life and fill it with positive energy? It’s actually easier than you think, you just need to follow these 4 steps.

How to end a dead-end relationship – Get ready for the pain!

Whether we are talking about a great relationship that turned bad or a dead-end relationship without a future, a breakup is always painful. But it’s not the end of the world and you will survive it and get on with your life after a while. However, there are certain steps if you want to come out as a winner and not get stuck with that bad feeling and second thoughts for years to come. Don’t worry, it is completely normal to second guess your breakup and the following questions will come to your mind. But remember what you read after those thoughts and it will get better faster than you thought.

  • “Am I making a mistake because I love her/him?!” You may love your ex-partner but does she/he love you the way you deserve? Was that “love” a healthy love? Did your partner really see you for who you really are? Were you really understood?
  • “I miss him/her so much…” Sure, you miss your partner but how did you feel when you were together? We don’t mean the good times but the times you felt bad. Was your partner good to you all the time?
  • “What will I do if she/he finds someone else and I am completely out of the picture?” Okay, your ex-partner might find someone else who will put up with the behavior you experienced. So what? Do you really want to go through that again?

When you want to get out of a relationship that is bad for you, don’t second guess your determination. If you start re-evaluating your decision, you will most likely avoid the inevitable and keep suffering. But why avoid a step that has to happen sooner or later? Why not start feeling better sooner?

Block all contact

After you take the hard step of breaking up, you MUST block any possible contact. This includes social media, messengers, phone calls, or anything else that might make you second guess your decision and end up in the same dead-end relationship again. Here’s what you shouldn’t do and what you should do afterward:

  • Hit the Block button on all possible social media and messengers such as Viber, what’s up, and all other ways you used to communicate electronically before
  • Don’t avoid saying hello or good day or morning if you have to cross paths on your way to work or even if you work together but don’t engage in any means of communication other than necessary
  • Don’t get hooked to “crisis” luring, your ex is just trying to manipulate you and plays on your good person side
  • Do give yourself credit for finding a solution on how to end a dead-end relationship because it isn’t easy, yet you managed it!

Stay Strong

Most people that want to end a bad relationship end up staying in it because the other side is manipulative and “shows” remorse and change their bad behavior when they “smell” the end is near. Each time you get manipulated bad into a dead-end relationship you will feel demoralized and even go on a self-destructive path.

You need to stay strong! You know that this relationship is bad for you and that the other side won’t change. Therefore, use a trick that will help you stay focused on the goal. Create and use the “breakup” mantra that will be your guidelight in the “hours of darkness”. For some people, repeating “He (or she) might be good for someone else, but I don’t want that! I don’t need this in my life!”

Remember who you really are

Instead of feeling bad and getting stuck on second-guessing your breakup choice, you need to remember who you are. Feel good about yourself and the fact that you had the courage and strength to end up a toxic relationship and put a toxic person behind you. By just realizing that there was nothing wrong with you and that you should be valued more, you have made a huge step towards getting over this bad period of your life. Now, it’s time to turn your head in the direction of the future and focus on yourself! You’ve definitely earned it!


Why failure might be good for you? How to take advantage of your own mistakes
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

Most people tend to give up after they’ve had a failure. However, it’s important to know that failures are a normal part of everyone’s past. There isn’t a single person on this planet that made everything perfect from the first try. Everyone makes mistakes but it’s important to know why failure might be good for you. Here are 8 tips that help with using your failures to your advantage and coming out even stronger.

Let others know that you’ve made a mistake

If you’ve just made a mistake, keeping it to yourself and hoping that it will just go away and that no one will notice is not something you want to do. It’s inevitable that someone will find out about your failure and things will only get worse then. The equation is simple – when someone else points out to your mistake, it becomes two mistakes… Then, others will wonder why you didn’t tell them yourself and that leads to being seen as a coward or being ignorant. Gather the courage to speak up and let others that it was your mistake and that you want to fix it. You will be appreciated more afterward.

Don’t make excuses, explain what happened

By becoming the owner of your own mistakes makes you more confident, accountable, and shows integrity. However, you have to stick to the facts! Instead of making an excuse such as “We lost the contract because I got stuck in traffic and I didn’t have time to work on the contract.” say “We lost the contract because I missed the deadline”. Take responsibility for your mistakes.

Fix it yourself don’t wait for others to clean your mess

Taking responsibility for your own mistakes is one thing. Sure, it is admirable and it will make people see you in a better light. However, you can’t leave it at that! Your next step after your failure is the true test of your capabilities. Instead of backing down and expecting others to fix the mess you created, have a plan that will offer a solution. It will be even better if before you come out clean about your failure, that you’ve already taken steps that will solve the problem caused by your mistake.

Learn from your failure and then you will realize why failure might be good for you

Once you’ve managed to fix the problem caused by your mistake, you need to learn from it. Make a plan that will prevent you from making the same mistake again and stick with it. This is the best way to prove that you’ve learned from your mistakes and that you are reliable.

Don’t let the mistake take control over you

The most important thing about failures is that you don’t let them lose your confidence. This is the mindset you want to avoid at all costs. By allowing your mistake to take control over you, you will become handicaped each time you make a mistake, whether it’s a small or a huge one. Take some time to let the lesson of your mistake sink in. And, remember to get back on the horse as soon as the lesson is absorbed because the more you wait, the bigger are the chances you lose your confidence.

Get Perspective

People skilled at getting back in the saddle right after a mistake are more likely to blame the failure on something that they did (a specific oversight or wrong course of action) rather than something that they ARE. On the other hand, those who don’t handle their own mistakes well tend to blame mistakes on their lack of intelligence, or their laziness,  or other personal qualities. This implies that they had no control over the situation, and they are more likely to avoid risk-taking in the future.

Stay optimistic

One British study of 576 serial entrepreneurs found that they were much more likely to expect success than entrepreneurs who gave up after their first failure. The very sense of optimism is what prevents us from thinking that we are a complete failure of a person. Stay optimistic, try to see each mistake as a building block to your ultimate success.

Be Persistent

Persistance is actually optimism in action. Optimism is a positive feeling, while persistence is what you do with that feeling. While those people who are not optimistic decide that they’ve had enough after a mistake and quit, persistent people, stay optimistic and shake off those toxic feelings and get back in the saddle and try again. People who are persistent never lose their optimism and that makes them special and great at rising from mistakes.

 


Dating with mental illness
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

The core aspects of human experience are sexuality, dating, and romance. This, it’s no wonder why each person thrives to experience a satisfying and meaningful relationship. However, what about people with mental issues? Is dating with mental illness possible? Do they find “the one” and do they experience true romance and the feeling that comes with it? Here are 5 steps that show how dating with a mental illness isn’t impossible.

Love yourself!

dating with mental illness

The famous phrase “You are not able to love others if you don’t love yourself in the first place” is not just a silly phrase without actual meaning. This is completely true because even if you love someone and care about that person if you are not “in love” with yourself, all that “love” coming from you is not real and it’s not coming from a healthy and true place. When you care about someone without caring about yourself in the first place, you are becoming obsessed with that person and that isn’t true love. So, learn how to embrace and love yourself first if you want to give that love to others as well.

Take a walk through your past

This pretty much goes for every kind of relationship, with or without mental problems. Instead of entering a relationship and hoping for the best, and trying to figure out what the problem in the relationship is as it occurs, we should take some time to “take a walk” through our memory lane and see where the cause of the problem might be coming from. By knowing the issues from your past, you allow yourself to work on your problems in a healthy way, instead of blaming your partner for a bad relationship. Don’t get us wrong, it’s normal to have bad habits, we all accumulate them during our lives. However, knowing what your bad habits are and trying to become better is the first step in building a healthy relationship we all seek for.

Give yourself “ME” time and set healthy boundaries

Spending all the time with your partner is normal in the beginning. However, after a while, we need our freedom. This goes for everyone, not just for people that are either with a mental illness or dating someone who is. As much as we are social beings, each one of us needs some time alone to process feelings, experiences, and simply enjoy those “me” moments. Therefore, regardless of your or your partner’s mental health issues, setting some healthy boundaries and being able to enjoy your hobby or something you love doing alone is a completely normal thing and your partner should respect that.

Know what your partner is going through or try to explain what you are going through

dating with mental illness

One of the biggest problems that people with mental illness have is the fear of their partner not understanding what they are going through. For this reason, most of the people with such issues give up on dating and suffer in their loneliness. This is where they are wrong because explaining what you are going through to your partner can sometimes make the relationship and the bond even stronger. On the other hand, if your partner is the one with mental problems, you need to try and understand what they are going through so that you can help when they need help, and possibly learn to spot the warning signs. Either way, communication and being honest always helps, regardless of the type of relationship.

Take it slow

Don’t rush into a relationship just because you have a mental illness and are afraid of ending up alone. Before each relationship becomes serious and meaningful, we need time to get to know the other person. We need time to be sure that the other side is trustworthy so that we can allow them to enter our lives completely. When you move too fast in a relationship, you only risk becoming more vulnerable than you already are. Also, such situations create a false sense of intimacy, which is the last thing you need in your life. Therefore, give it time, get to know each other better. If it’s really worth it, it will become better and better and you will grow together as a couple over time.


The healing practice of self-hypnosis
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 month ago Comments: 0

For most people hypnosis is a “dark and scary practice”. When you are hypnotized, you are completely unaware of what happens to you and that is scary, right? No one is happy with the fact that someone else has complete control of you and can make you do things you wouldn’t do. But is hypnosis really that scary? Is it really like we see it in the movies? But what if you were able to hypnotize yourself, by yourself? What if you were able to help yourself with your problems with self-hypnosis? Yes, this exists and the healing practice of self-hypnosis can do wonders for both physical and mental issues.

How to learn to use the healing practice of self-hypnosis

Like any new skill, becoming good at self-hypnosis takes time and practice. You have to be committed to your goal, and train at least 2 or 3 times each day. Soon enough, it will become a part of you. It’s all about training your mind, and the good thing is, you don’t have to have perfect conditions, there’s no medical procedure involved, and you DON’T need drugs. Here are 6 steps you need to follow:

Step #1 – Find a quiet place

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Since we live in the modern era where finding a quiet place might be difficult, this step could turn up to be harder than it sounds. However, once you’ve found your quiet, safe place without your phone, kids, pets, or anything that might distract you, you can begin. Just remember that you have to support your back by sitting in a stable chair or couch and that there’s nothing around you that you might hurt yourself with if you happen to lose balance. There’s also something reassuring in knowing that you are completely safe and that helps you relax, which is the key to self-hypnosis.

Step #2 – Take the correct position

Self-hypnosis starts with the right sitting position. Your legs should be uncrossed with your hands placed in your lap. Once you feel comfortable in this position, you should start taking deep breaths. Once you’ve managed to focus on breathing correctly, close your eyes.

Step #3 – Clear your mind from thoughts

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Take a few minutes to just focus on your breathing. Visualize your breaths as they come in and out. Clear your mind from any other thought besides breathing. Each time a thought sneaks up on you, push it out by focusing on your breaths.

Step #4 – Sink in

When you manage to become fully relaxed and there’s nothing on your mind except breathing thoughts, allow yourself to become “heavy”. You will feel how your body starts feeling heavier and heavier and it “sinks in” the chair or couch. Relax and let that feeling take over.

Step #5 – Positive Mantra

Once your body sunk in wherever you are sitting and you feel completely relaxed, add a positive mantra to your self-hypnosis process. This mantra should be something like “I am relaxed, I am calm, I am in control”. Repeat this mantra until it starts echoing in your mind and you feel relaxed and positive (it should be done for 5 minutes and use a timer in the beginning)

Step #6 – 10, 9, 8, 7…

healing practice of self-hypnosis

Once the 5-minute mantra is done (you will learn to feel when 5 minutes are up in time) you will start feeling how your body is exiting the sinking in feeling. In that moment, focus on each part of your body and visualize how you are sending positive energy to your limbs. When you feel every part of your body “energized” take 3 more deep breaths and start counting back from 10. When you reach 1, slowly open your eyes and allow that positive sensation to sink in while you sit there a few more minutes. That’s it!

The healing practice of self-hypnosis -This is not meditation

Although the process sounds very much like meditation, self-hypnosis isn’t the same. In self-hypnosis practice, your mind is engaged more actively, but in a more centered and calm way. In case you can’t find 5 minutes each day for this practice, or you can’t focus for that long, start with fewer minutes and eventually work up as you progress. You will see that after a while, that positive energy you feel while practicing self-hypnosis extends to everyday situations. You will feel more relaxed and positive on a daily basis and you will also buffer out the negative effects of stress, worry, and anxiety.


Why the first impression is so important and how to make good ones?
Category: Blog,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 2 months ago Comments: 0
why the first impression is so important

Did you know that it takes about 15 seconds to make a first impression? Also, more than half of first impressions are made based off of appearance. Also, the tone of the voice is something that influences the first impression greatly, while what you say isn’t that much important as one might think. But why the first impression is so important? Do we really have less than 20 seconds to make a good first impression? How to actually make a great first good impression? Just keep reading our article to find out.

Why the first impression is so important and how to make a good one?

More often than not, making a bad first impression is something that you can’t go back from. But the good news is that you can work on being a stellar first impressionist in a few easy steps. Sure, this road might get “ugly” because you might discover some things about you that will make a bad impression on yourself. Just look at it as a road to improvement in general, and making good first impressions is just one of the benefits.

Here are the steps you need to make to become the “First impression magician”.

Honestly ask yourself if you make a great first impression or not?

Do you want to be seen as energetic, reliable, confident, and make a great first impression on anyone you meet for the first time? You need to make a great impression on yourself first. This is the “ugly” part of the path we mentioned. This is where you have to be honest with yourself and spot the things about you that, firstly, you don’t like, and then what other people might not like about you. Once you get those sorted out, you can move to the next phase which is, getting yourself in shape, in every possible way.

Get in physical shape

Exercise and work on your body at least 3 or 4 days a week and make sure you eat healthily. Did you know that “oversized” people are less likely to make a good impression on a job interview that people who are fit? Companies see “bulkier” people as an expense because such workers are less energetic, thus less productive, and they take more sick days than workers who are in better physical shape. So, do you want to be “that guy’?

“Dress to kill”

In order to “blow away” anyone who you meet for the first time, you have to be dressed to “kill”. This means that your wardrobe is clean, without wrinkles, appropriate, yet stylish. Having an extra sharp wardrobe style is never out of fashion and it sure is impressive. Do you think James Bond made a bad first impression? Ever?

Don’t avoid your hairstylist

There’s nothing that says more that you are a wreck like a bad, shaggy, unnurtured hair… Therefore, don’t forget where your hairstylist’s studio is and make sure you regularly pay him a visit.

Don’t forget about your face

why the first impression is so important

Great hair matters nothing if the rest of the head isn’t in tune. So, for men, don’t allow your beard and mustache to look like they belong to a homeless person! Trim regularly! For women, bad face skin is definitely not going to make you the queen of good first impressions so use those cremes you paid a small fortune and don’t forget to practice on your makeup skills!

The first impression is so important so mind your posture and smile

why the first impression is so important

Having a straight posture and a smile on the face is as important as any other thing on this list. The truth is, when you stand straight and have a smiling face, you look confident and friendly, which is a killer combo for being the king of first impressions.


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