Self improvement Archives - Feel Better
Please, don’t be a pleaser
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 3 months ago Comments: 0

Please, don’t be a people-pleaser 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Doing an online quiz can show you which type of personality you are. But before that, we are divided into two major groups: natural givers and natural takers. Going to the extreme in either of them is a poor choice. Our behavior, good or bad, impacts others. Postponed consequences are a significant reason to recognize the moment when and why to stop “helping”. If you are a natural giver, it’s even more important for you. 


It all comes naturally to me 

Being a natural giver is a special gift. You are sensitive to other people’s needs, you see fine details that others often miss, and you know when to show to give your support as a friend. Sometimes you will feel great. More often, you will feel exhausted because every true gift comes with great responsibility. Being aware of others’ needs doesn’t automatically make you a person that will fulfill them. As a natural giver, first and foremost, you need to take care of yourself. You need to know your boundaries well and know on the conscious level why you are doing what you’re doing. Paying close attention to your feelings, energy level when you give – will create a healthier way to live and give. 

 Respect your need to give, but be aware of natural takers. Their intentions aren’t always bad; taking comes naturally to them. Here is something that you have to take into count: If you don’t take care of yourself, they certainly won’t. 

I’ll do it for you honey

It doesn’t matter if “honey” is a partner, friend, colleague, or even a child. If “honey” is capable of doing it, “honey” should do it. 

Of course, we need to take care of children and those who don’t know better. But even a child needs to learn, and mistakes are part of learning. Maybe it was a model in your family, a model you adopted, but it doesn’t mean it is useful. Are you aware of the consequences of your good intentions?

In the long term, your close ones can find themselves hurt by your good intentions, and feeling inadequate, powerless, and immature are some of it. These feelings could permeate other life areas, like school, social skills, career choices, etc. Healing from” I’ll do it for you” could be a long process. Please think twice before you say it next time. 

Missing opportunity for personal growth

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself. Why do you feel the need to please others? Why do you like to take care of everyone and everyone’s business? If you are a natural giver, it is excellent to fulfill your personal need to give, but you need to find a healthy mode. You need to learn your boundaries, when it is ok to offer your help or attention, and when you need to say NO. It is not easy. It could help if you make a wise career choice. Natural givers are naturally good in all careers that include giving; for example, the healthcare industry is one of them. 

If you are not a natural giver but are a people pleaser, please stop. By making others feel good or not so good in the long term, you are missing an opportunity to indeed please one significant person – you. As we said already: be honest, make an effort to explore this need to please others. Make this effort is heavy-duty, but the results are phenomenal. Your relationship with friends and family will be healthier. Your career might go up once you stop doing small things for others that they can do themselves. Your self-respect will improve because you are enough, just enough, without pleasing others. 

Being a “pleaser” maybe is not a healthy lifestyle. Once you start to change for the better, some people will support you; others won’t. Please don’t blame them; they used to use your pleasing. Still, keep the part of that pleasing for loved ones. It is nice to have a person who intuitively knows how to make others feel good. But use your gift wisely this time.  

Self-love: How to be your own best friend?
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 months ago Comments: 0

Me, myself and I

The old story goes: if you hold a glass of water for one minute – a piece of cake. As the clock ticks on, holding becomes harder and harder. The pandemic seems partly similar to this story. The first wave, the second wave, hope for new medicine and returning to life as it once was. Novelty, good or bad, wears off. Stress doesn’t. With so many things that are out of our hands, anxiety and depression could sneak their way into our lives. Taking care of our body and mind is the most important thing in times like this. Taking care of yourself means you can be on top of your game when others need your strength.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, how to be best for all?


Do you know who the most important person is at this moment? You are. With that in mind, make time to take care of your mind and your body. It is not easy, especially with new roles. 

Your child may need you as a teacher assistant, your parents or elderly neighbors may become dependent on you; working online could take more time than office hours. Giving extra effort may take its toll. Often, it is a luxury you can’t afford. Take a bath; grow a flower, do yoga, read a book, whatever makes your batteries charged! When you feel good, no matter what is going on around you, you will do your best.

Remember, your best. Sometimes it will be more than enough; sometimes it won’t, but knowing that you did your best will be enough to keep you going on. If you feel guilty for taking the time to stay in good shape physically and mentally, answer this simple question: Is it selfish to maintain your car to be safe properly?

Give yourself an A+.

Is self-love a tough love? It shouldn’t be. Like true love, it should be beautiful and gentle. Take a deep breath and give yourself time to adjust to new rules. New rules are not easy for anyone. Nobody was prepared for this, yet we are dealing with the pandemic in different ways. Why do you think you should give yourself a hard time? How could you be prepared for isolation, social distancing, etc.?
Set your own pace, be gentle to yourself as you would be with children, and be patient with yourself as you would be with your pet. If you need an extra hand or a friend, seek help. Give yourself an A+ for being gentle and patient, for self-love during the hard times. If you are a good student and you get an A+, it will reflect others. 

Always look on the bright side of life…

Do you want to know when this will end? We all do. But we don’t know; it’s out of our control. We can only control how we are dealing with it and what we can do about our life. Use pandemic, instead of being used by it. Make time to learn what you could do to improve the quality of your life. It is important. Focus on good things. Restore long-forgotten goals like old friendships.

Lose bad habits, make some new – good habits. An extra hour of sleep is much better than an hour in commute. Isolation is a chance to enjoy your own company. Be the best you can imagine. There are so many possibilities. Be grateful for this chance to review your life in slow motion. Make cuts, make repairs, learn new skills, and implement new rules. Be your best friend.

Yin and yang

Life doesn’t stop. We need to learn how to live with coronavirus. Learning balance is essential. Yin and yang are good teachers, don’t lose this ancient wisdom: there will always be something not so good in every good, but you can find a bit of good in something bad, too. 

To wear or not to wear a mask, that is not the question!
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 months ago Comments: 0

The real question is why people refuse to wear facemask during the Covid-19 pandemic. 

With the new virus, pandemic, and new rules: social distancing, wearing a mask, no crazy parties, no vacations, changes were inevitable. Traveling and so many things are postponed, only life can’t be. 

We learned that virus is not going to vanish in the thin air during the last ten months, there will be no sudden change in treatments, and the vaccine is not close enough. We need to learn how to live with new circumstances. Wearing a face mask is one of the necessary steps to protect yourself and others. Never the less, a lot of people refuse to wear a facemask no matter where they are.

Doctors say this; doctors say that

Covid-19 is a new illness; it is not just like the flu or other viruses we came in touch with. First instructions from doctors maybe were misleading – a mask is not enough to stop spreading a virus. Fast, but not fast enough, opinions about wearing a mask were revised. Detailed guidelines appeared on almost every website, TV, and the commercials… when and where it is essential to wear a mask. Often confused and overwhelmed with information, people choose the previous statement and therefore refuse to wear a mask.

Who to trust?

Pandemic brings pandemic of experts of all sorts. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, yet things got out of hands quickly. Expert predictions: the virus will vanish in the sun; this vitamin is the best; wearing a mask helps but not completely; mask will decrease the level of oxygen in your blood etc. Doctors and nurses, like warriors, are fighting misinformation. Making videos while checking the level of oxygen shows that wearing a mask, even for long hours, will not reduce the level of oxygen in the body. Wearing a mask may leave visible lines on your face, lines that will disappear quickly. Your breathing will be just fine. 

Mask is not protection – It is written on the packaging.

It is written on the package, mostly for non-reusable masks. Does this mean that wearing a simple surgical mask won’t help? Well, not really. If this is the main reason you are not wearing a mask, you need to look from different perspectives. As a new virus, the incubation period can be from 5 to 15 days. Wearing a mask is a way to protect others. Coronavirus without symptoms causes many. You may not be ill, but you may have Covid-19, and by wearing a mask, you will protect others, and vice versa. 

I am healthy and fit; my body is my temple

Early jog or swim, yoga, healthy diet can do wonders for your mental and physical health. However, being healthy and fit is not invisible armor against an invisible enemy. Regular exercise routine and healthy habits are not a guarantee that you will not become ill. Think twice, and keep your healthy shine. 

Better safe than sorry

Months passed since the virus started its unfortunate journey across our beautiful planet.

During the history of pandemics, some kinds of facemask were always part of our fight against it. Thousands of doctors, governments, and leaders issued statements that masks are one way to stop or slow the spreading of the virus were not enough to convince all of us to wear a mask.

Wearing a mask is a small and simple step for you, but large in this global fight against Covid-19: Even if you are outside and making a distance is not an option – please wear a mask. If you are inside, as in public transport, public buildings etc., it is in your best interest to wear a mask. 

Halloween, time of festivities, or time of rising anxiety?
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 4 months ago Comments: 0

What makes Halloween so spooky?

One nice lady in our neighborhood doesn’t like Halloween. During the sweet hunt, as children often refer, the door of her homestay closed. There are no carved pumpkins on her porch or a scary witch in her yard. And she is not alone.

For some of us, it is one of the best holidays, memories of running around streets, cuter than a scary costume, but for the others, this holiday is pure horror in its real meaning.
Scary things are closer to the surface when we are exposed to them; anxieties can be harder to control. In all honesty, it can be tiring.
Social Anxiety Disorder is especially tricky in situations you can’t control, and if you are afraid of spiders, it is a scary ride at its best.

Trick the anxiety and treat yourself

Having an anxiety disorder is hard enough, but having a social anxiety disorder can be incredibly hard during the holidays.
Socializing with friends and family is more comfortable because they are familiar with your fears and habits, but Halloween can be completely different.
But with the right plan, you can manage to make it through Halloween just as well as everybody else.

Halloween away from Halloween

If you have severe Social Anxiety Disorder, the best way is to avoid it is by being at home during the trick and treating time. Make the evening pleasurable and treat yourself with something that makes you happy and jolly, because it is a holiday after all.
Present with presents
Close your door without guilt. Make yourself comfortable in your own home. It is the least you can do for yourself. Put the carved pumpkin on the porch. Make gift bags and put them in the basket with a note that you are not at home. Everybody’s happy.

Best hours of Halloween when the treats are gone

The mood can be improved by participating only for an hour or two, depending on the level of SAD.
Choose what works best is for you and trick anxiety and treat yourself.

The safety net is the net without spiders

Spending two hours in the theater watching Spiderman is optional. If you are suffering an Arachnophobia – fear of spiders, you will walk an extra block to avoid the theater building. But having to look in the eye of your biggest fear is awful, to put it simply.
The only good thing in this situation is that you can prepare yourself in advance because Halloween spiders come every year at the same time.
You’ve been through this before. You know what to expect.
Having this knowledge is easier to make your safety net or a good plan on spending Halloween without being overwhelmed with anxiety or exhaustion of fighting it.

Family, friends, and others with good intentions

Inform your friends and family that exposure therapy is called therapy for a reason and that putting a spider on the table or in your car is not recommended. This kind of exposure may not go so well. Exposure therapy is a strictly controlled and guided process by professionals.
Not a doomsday, but…
You cannot live in the cave during the holiday, but try to collect some tips about holiday decorations of the places you cannot avoid, like malls or shops.
As is mentioned before, you know when it is coming, so you can be prepared.
Stuff your cupboards and fridge before Halloween approaches, choose small stores, or stores less decorated for last-minute buying, without spiders hanging over every shelf.

Be ready and have fun, because why not?

Make some fun posts in your yard – witches are the best. Make your yard extra lit so that you can see costumes. Have an extra person to deal with kids during the trick and treats hours.

Blessing in disguise

Life is happening all year round. Problems, jobs, plans, and everyday life sometimes make us forget about our fears, anxieties, or phobias. Creating a comfort zone, even unintentionally and moving inside, would not make anxiety disappear. Creating solutions and solving problems on your terms instead of running around them when they turn up in front of us seems better.

How to survive a breakup – Don’t break after a heartbreak
Category: MENTAL HEALTH,Motivation,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 year ago Comments: 0
how to survive a breakup

There’s nothing like a broken heart that makes a person do things out of character. Breakups are painful, they bring deep grief, and make a distorted image of the relationship in our brain. However, not everything is so black. You just need to know how to survive a breakup and not break after a broken heart.

This article explains what breakups do to our brain and how to overcome it and come out even stronger. You will see some practical ideas and advice for going through a heartbreak.

How to survive a breakup – Defining the breakup

“Heartbroken” is a widely used term. For example, people say that “their heart got broken after the match”, but the pain they felt doesn’t even come close to romantic heartbreak. There’s nothing like a broken heart making someone do crazy stuff they normally wouldn’t do. You’ve probably heard tons of stories about people doing desperate things after they’ve gone through a breakup. For example, becoming stalkers or texting the ex like insane. Those are all grief responses and it’s actually to be expected considering what happens in the brain in such situations.

According to studies that used MRI scans of people who recently went through a breakup, when we relive our breakup, we have the same brain activity as addicts when they need a “fix” during a withdrawal. Thus, the desperate actions in hope that we will get a grain of that “love” we had before.

What does a breakup do to our brain?

how to survive a breakup

When we go through a breakup, our brain is no longer in charge and the heart takes over. This makes us lose control over our decisions. The thing is, our brain can’t tell the difference between physical and emotional pain. For our brain, pain is a pain. Therefore, by making you relive your relationship over and over, your brain hopes that you will learn from your mistakes so that you don’t go through that pain again. It’s like the instincts you get after burning yourself on hot things. Your brain will show you mental images of the good times because they hurt the most. And it wants to make sure you don’t forget the pain and not make the same mistakes. But, in order to regain control of your life, you need to learn how to override those natural brain responses.

How to fix a broken heart?

In order to fix a broken heart, you need to correct the distorted image of the relationship your brain keeps serving you. You can do that by making a list of all the bad things you went through while being in that relationship. This will counterbalance the “sweet pain” circle your brain trapped you in.

You need to set your goals clearly – Getting your ex out of your system and getting rid of the pain that comes with memories. Unfortunately, our brain works the opposite way and it will fight you by making you think about the sweet moments. You have to resist those thoughts and avoid “stalking” your ex on social media and looking at old pictures.

Other problems you might stumble upon are all the reminders of the past relationship that are everywhere. Your home, your mutual friends, the restaurants, certain spots in the city, those are all the reminders that you don’t need right now.

That’s why you have to be persistent in avoiding everything that reminds you of your ex. It is not easy but with commitment and being careful where you go and who you see, it is possible. In addition, it’s extremely important to talk to your friends, though keep in mind that you shouldn’t burden just one person with your emotional pain but “spread” it over one or two more friends.

  • Most importantly, if you want to survive a breakup, you have to ask yourself the following questions:
  • Who were you before you met that person?
  • Who do you want to be now?
  • What aspects of yourself did you have to change for that relationship?
  • Which parts of yourself do you want to recover?

Once you have these answers, it will be clearer what you want from your life and moving on will come naturally.

Final thoughts

Once you start feeling a little better, don’t let your guard down because your heart and mind can be sneaky sometimes. Keep reminding yourself of the negative aspects of your former relationship. Work hard on filling in the gaps the relationship left in your life with positive things such as going out with friends or new hobbies.

Furthermore, replace your ex with friends when you want to watch “that TV show” you watched together. Or, when you were working out outside together. Just don’t give up on activities that you did together because you want them to be “your” activities now, not “the stuff we did together”.

Finally, think about what you’ve learned from this breakup. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about relationships in general? You will be surprised how much we can learn from our mistakes. we just need to allow ourselves to listen to reason. Once you manage that, you will come out much stronger than before. And you definitely won’t make the same mistakes again.


Angry Love – Is This a problem for Your Relationship?
Category: Blog,Recommended,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 year ago Comments: 0

So many times, your spouse has treated you badly and you cannot forget those situations. His harsh words and thoughtless actions always come back to you. The love you felt for him has disappeared over time and now your heart is full of bitterness. You no longer know the person you married because he is angry most of the time. People who are in the so-called “angry love” are in a problem without really realizing it…

But there is a cure for your problems. You should consider why it’s a good idea to delete that anger as soon as possible.

Prolonged anger can ruin a marriage. Why do we say that? Because it undermines trust, love, faithfulness, and other beautiful qualities that underlie any good marriage. Prolonged anger is not the result of a problem that has appeared in a marriage. It is a long-term problem that can endanger marriage. If you have been angry for a long time and you feel offended, you are causing pain to yourself. It is not wise to carry such feelings within you. It’s like kicking yourself and then expecting someone else to feel the pain.

“A family member that you are angry at may be feeling well, enjoying life, and has no idea what bothers you,” says American psychotherapist Mark Sichel in one of his books dealing with family relationships.


“Long-term anger or “angry love” does a lot more harm to you than to the person you are angry at,” Sichel says. You decide whether to allow your anger to overwhelm you. Some might disagree with this claim. They say, “My husband made me angry. He is guilty of me feeling that way! “Or” My wife was upset. I can’t help it!”

A person who thinks so is focused on something that cannot be influenced – another person’s behavior. Of course, we cannot influence what others will say or do, but we can influence how we respond to their behavior. Instead of being offended and angry, we can think about how to maturely deal with the problem.


Don’t blame one another. It is easy to point the finger to another person and say that it is their fault that you are angry and disappointed. Keep in mind that it is up to you to allow yourself to be angry or to forgive the one who hurt you. Be honest with yourself. Of course, a conversation is the only cure. You don’t need to discuss too long and widely about every situation between the two of you.

Keep in mind what it means to forgive. The original Greek term, which in the Bible usually translates to “forgive,” literally means “to let go, to disregard.” Therefore, forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to forget the insults or that you should act as if a bad event never happened. Sometimes that means only to stop thinking about what happened and let life go on. Be aware that prolonged anger can do more harm to your health and marriage than the incident that caused it.


Next week take a look at your husband or wife and find three beautiful traits. At the end of the week, write them down on a piece of paper and tell your spouse why you appreciate these qualities. By focusing on what is positive about the person you are married to, it will be easier to get rid of anger and resentment.

How to End a Dead-end Relationship in 4 Steps
Category: Blog,Motivation,Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 1 year ago Comments: 0

If you find your relationship filled with passive-aggressiveness, apathy, negative energy, criticism, you are more than more likely stuck in a dead-end relationship. And, just as the name suggests, it leads to nowhere but pain and suffering. So, how to end a dead-end relationship and move on with your life and fill it with positive energy? It’s actually easier than you think, you just need to follow these 4 steps.

How to end a dead-end relationship – Get ready for the pain!

Whether we are talking about a great relationship that turned bad or a dead-end relationship without a future, a breakup is always painful. But it’s not the end of the world and you will survive it and get on with your life after a while. However, there are certain steps if you want to come out as a winner and not get stuck with that bad feeling and second thoughts for years to come. Don’t worry, it is completely normal to second guess your breakup and the following questions will come to your mind. But remember what you read after those thoughts and it will get better faster than you thought.

  • “Am I making a mistake because I love her/him?!” You may love your ex-partner but does she/he love you the way you deserve? Was that “love” a healthy love? Did your partner really see you for who you really are? Were you really understood?
  • “I miss him/her so much…” Sure, you miss your partner but how did you feel when you were together? We don’t mean the good times but the times you felt bad. Was your partner good to you all the time?
  • “What will I do if she/he finds someone else and I am completely out of the picture?” Okay, your ex-partner might find someone else who will put up with the behavior you experienced. So what? Do you really want to go through that again?

When you want to get out of a relationship that is bad for you, don’t second guess your determination. If you start re-evaluating your decision, you will most likely avoid the inevitable and keep suffering. But why avoid a step that has to happen sooner or later? Why not start feeling better sooner?

Block all contact

After you take the hard step of breaking up, you MUST block any possible contact. This includes social media, messengers, phone calls, or anything else that might make you second guess your decision and end up in the same dead-end relationship again. Here’s what you shouldn’t do and what you should do afterward:

  • Hit the Block button on all possible social media and messengers such as Viber, what’s up, and all other ways you used to communicate electronically before
  • Don’t avoid saying hello or good day or morning if you have to cross paths on your way to work or even if you work together but don’t engage in any means of communication other than necessary
  • Don’t get hooked to “crisis” luring, your ex is just trying to manipulate you and plays on your good person side
  • Do give yourself credit for finding a solution on how to end a dead-end relationship because it isn’t easy, yet you managed it!

Stay Strong

Most people that want to end a bad relationship end up staying in it because the other side is manipulative and “shows” remorse and change their bad behavior when they “smell” the end is near. Each time you get manipulated bad into a dead-end relationship you will feel demoralized and even go on a self-destructive path.

You need to stay strong! You know that this relationship is bad for you and that the other side won’t change. Therefore, use a trick that will help you stay focused on the goal. Create and use the “breakup” mantra that will be your guidelight in the “hours of darkness”. For some people, repeating “He (or she) might be good for someone else, but I don’t want that! I don’t need this in my life!”

Remember who you really are

Instead of feeling bad and getting stuck on second-guessing your breakup choice, you need to remember who you are. Feel good about yourself and the fact that you had the courage and strength to end up a toxic relationship and put a toxic person behind you. By just realizing that there was nothing wrong with you and that you should be valued more, you have made a huge step towards getting over this bad period of your life. Now, it’s time to turn your head in the direction of the future and focus on yourself! You’ve definitely earned it!

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