Everything in our lives revolves around our self-esteem. Self-esteem is also known as self-respect and self-value and both refer to the same thing – to how we see ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, how we see ourselves is the key factor in everything we do. And, it influences our decisions greatly. When we have strong self-esteem, every challenge comes easier and we are not afraid to try new things because we believe in ourselves. The same goes for kids. The higher their self-esteem is, the more courage they will have and more they will believe in themselves. For that reason, You, as a parent, need to help your child build its self-esteem and not be an obstacle. Of course, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent and we all make mistakes sometimes. That is why we’ve decided to create this article that will point out the 4 most common mistakes parents make and hurt a child’s self-esteem so that you can avoid them and help your child believe in itself.
4 Most Common Mistakes Parents Make and Hurt Child’s Self-Esteem
Here are the 4 mistakes you should avoid as a parent so that you don’t hurt your child’s self-esteem development.
Hitting and Yelling
The most damaging thing you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to yell at it and hit it. By doing this, you are only showing that you can’t control your impulses and that you want to show how powerful you are. You also “teach” your child that it’s okay to display dominance this way. Is this really the message you want to send to your child? Of course not.
Okay, as we said, nobody’s perfect and we all lose our nerve from time to time. A parent can put up with kids to a certain point and then it’s either finding the right approach or letting all hell get lose. However, keep in mind that if you allow “all hell to get lose” you are making your child feel diminished. When parents hit and yell at their kids, their ability to develop a sense of a constructive conversation that is needed for solving a problem. All they will know is that they are not able to sort a problem. And that they need to yell and hit so that they hide the fact that they DON’T BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES…
Holding a Grudge
Every parent will experience its child behaving badly and having a conflict. But, it’s important to know that once the conflict is resolved, the worst thing you can do is to keep reminding your child about it. Kids should be allowed to be kids and they have the privilege of having a fresh start. By reminding your child of its bad behavior, you are only teaching it that holding a grudge is the right way to think.
Therefore, you need to teach your child that after learning from our mistakes, they stay in the past. The more you praise your child for its positive behavior after the incident, the more will it build its self-esteem. And, the chances that the same mistake happens again will be drastically reduced. Think about it…
Asking your child from time to time to put itself in someone else’s situation is okay if the situation is appropriate for a “guilt shame”. However, doing this constantly for pretty much everything your child does will take a devastating toll. Making your child feel bad about its mistakes, feelings, emotions only pushes your child away from you.
For example, if your kid does something, he/she shouldn’t, saying “How do you think this makes me feel?” or “I hope you realize how much you’ve hurt me with your actions!” you are making your child feel guilty. And doing this often is not good at all.
What you need to realize that your “hurt ego” is not the most important thing in this situation. Instead of making your child feel guilty, try and find a way to calmly explain why its actions are not good and how he/she should have handled the situation. Allow your child to open up and ask for your opinion every time it has a problem instead of doing something behind your back just so that your feelings are not hurt.
Each time you say something that you don’t really mean but want to point out the opposite of what you just said, you are being sarcastic. Kids can detect that sarcastic tone and it makes them feel ashamed of their “poor” choices. You are not teaching your child to make the right choices this way. On the contrary, you are creating a barrier between you and your kid and effective communication becomes harder and harder. Pay attention to your tone and don’t be sarcastic. Parents should not make such mistakes and hurt their child’s self-esteem. There are much better, friendly, and more effective ways of letting your child realize that it could have made a better choice.