December 2020 - Feel Better
Please, don’t be a pleaser
Category: Self improvement Author: Feel Better Date: 5 months ago Comments: 0

Please, don’t be a people-pleaser 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Doing an online quiz can show you which type of personality you are. But before that, we are divided into two major groups: natural givers and natural takers. Going to the extreme in either of them is a poor choice. Our behavior, good or bad, impacts others. Postponed consequences are a significant reason to recognize the moment when and why to stop “helping”. If you are a natural giver, it’s even more important for you. 


It all comes naturally to me 

Being a natural giver is a special gift. You are sensitive to other people’s needs, you see fine details that others often miss, and you know when to show to give your support as a friend. Sometimes you will feel great. More often, you will feel exhausted because every true gift comes with great responsibility. Being aware of others’ needs doesn’t automatically make you a person that will fulfill them. As a natural giver, first and foremost, you need to take care of yourself. You need to know your boundaries well and know on the conscious level why you are doing what you’re doing. Paying close attention to your feelings, energy level when you give – will create a healthier way to live and give. 

 Respect your need to give, but be aware of natural takers. Their intentions aren’t always bad; taking comes naturally to them. Here is something that you have to take into count: If you don’t take care of yourself, they certainly won’t. 

I’ll do it for you honey

It doesn’t matter if “honey” is a partner, friend, colleague, or even a child. If “honey” is capable of doing it, “honey” should do it. 

Of course, we need to take care of children and those who don’t know better. But even a child needs to learn, and mistakes are part of learning. Maybe it was a model in your family, a model you adopted, but it doesn’t mean it is useful. Are you aware of the consequences of your good intentions?

In the long term, your close ones can find themselves hurt by your good intentions, and feeling inadequate, powerless, and immature are some of it. These feelings could permeate other life areas, like school, social skills, career choices, etc. Healing from” I’ll do it for you” could be a long process. Please think twice before you say it next time. 

Missing opportunity for personal growth

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself. Why do you feel the need to please others? Why do you like to take care of everyone and everyone’s business? If you are a natural giver, it is excellent to fulfill your personal need to give, but you need to find a healthy mode. You need to learn your boundaries, when it is ok to offer your help or attention, and when you need to say NO. It is not easy. It could help if you make a wise career choice. Natural givers are naturally good in all careers that include giving; for example, the healthcare industry is one of them. 

If you are not a natural giver but are a people pleaser, please stop. By making others feel good or not so good in the long term, you are missing an opportunity to indeed please one significant person – you. As we said already: be honest, make an effort to explore this need to please others. Make this effort is heavy-duty, but the results are phenomenal. Your relationship with friends and family will be healthier. Your career might go up once you stop doing small things for others that they can do themselves. Your self-respect will improve because you are enough, just enough, without pleasing others. 

Being a “pleaser” maybe is not a healthy lifestyle. Once you start to change for the better, some people will support you; others won’t. Please don’t blame them; they used to use your pleasing. Still, keep the part of that pleasing for loved ones. It is nice to have a person who intuitively knows how to make others feel good. But use your gift wisely this time.