For most people, getting married means living in a romantic fairytale. It all starts when you meet the “right” person, then you get married, and you live happily ever after… However, unlike in fairytales, real relationships need work, plenty of work to actually work out. So, how do you know if you are working enough on your relationship? How do you know if your relationship needs therapy for couples? Here are 6 most common signs that your relationship needs a therapist.
You don’t talk
By “you don’t talk” we don’t mean not talking for a few hours after a verbal confrontation. No, we mean not communicating enough or at all. In most cases, problems in relationships start when the couple simply isn’t communicating. If this is the case with your relationship, know that couples therapist can help you by presenting new ways of couple communication. Once you learn how to talk to each other, your relationship will move in a positive direction.
When your “talking” is always negative
Each communication that leaves one of the partners insecure, feeling judged or ashamed, or making him/her feeling that they need to get out of this conversation, is negative communication. Likewise, it’s not always about what one says but about how he or she says it. The tone of the voice is likewise extremely important. If the tone of the voice is negative, communication can, and usually does escalate into emotional abuse.
When one of the partners is afraid to talk
If you are scared to even bring a relationship, or other problems up, your relationship needs counseling. It’s not a healthy relationship if you are afraid to bring up things that bother you, whether we are talking about love or money issues, or some small things that annoy you. This is where therapy for couples comes useful. And this is where a therapist teaches the couple how to become clear about their problems. It’s all about helping the other side understand what you are talking about without feeling threatened.
Financial unfaithfulness is also a sign for therapy for couples
Keeping financial secrets from your partner is known as financial unfaithfulness and it’s in the same basket as sexual infidelity. This is not a sign of a normal relationship and it should be discussed. In most cases the partner that keeps secrets about how much he/she spends doesn’t want to admit this, therefore, professional help is needed.
Sex life is in the gutter
It’s completely normal for couples to have a less passionate sex life after they’ve been living together for a few years. But, if it’s sudden and significant, then you most likely have a problem in your relationship. On the other hand, a sudden increase in sex life can also be an alarm. This may mean that the partner that all of a sudden has “bigger appetites” for sex is trying to compensate for something he/she is doing and makes them feel bad about it.
Arguing over the same little things over and over again
Each person comes with trigger behaviors. By this, we mean specific things that “blow their cap”, which in most cases wouldn’t bother other people. It doesn’t have to be something dramatic. On the contrary, it usually comes down to small things such as drinking from the cardboard, leaving the seat toilet up or down, not watering the plants, and so on and so forth. We are sure you know what we mean. However, the problem here is that in most cases, the other side doesn’t even know that the small things they do are causing so much stress. And that’s why they don’t understand why arguments begin about such “trivial” things. This is where couples therapists help by discussing these issues and figuring out the real root of the problems.